Well, still looking for a new job. Otherwise, not much new going on here. I’ve been watching The Walking Dead again lately. Yesterday I got to the episode What Happened and What’s Going On. That’s the episode where Tyreese dies. And I’ve been in an unusually receptive state lately, probably because I’ve been in bit of a down-swing the last few weeks. I noticed some things about this episode that I hadn’t really focused on before. It was always interesting to me how they used hallucinations of specific people to walk through his experiences, the ‘life flashing before the eyes’ thing. I’ve thought a lot about death for most of my life. Pretty much my whole existence I’ve had chronic and severe depression aside from a myriad of undiagnosed mental illness. Among them, some obsessive compulsive and ADHD tendencies, like reliving events and conversations repeatedly. I’ve relived countless lifetimes on an almost daily basis for decades. Perhaps one could argue that my life has been flashing before my eyes over and over again just in case I ever manage to kill myself. Oh yeah, that’s been another recurring theme for me. I spent my teenage years trying to open my wrists every night. It seems I could never find a blade sharp enough to break the skin. Once or twice I tried to hang myself. Full disclosure, that might have worked but there was no way in hell I’d be caught dead in utah. Joe Hill was another smart man. Back to my first thought on here. This whole episode is something I’ve always related to. I didn’t fully get why until this time but I think it’s because this portrayal of dying feels very close to my own experience. I guess it makes sense a little bit. The only times I got a break from life were when I was trying to die. I think that may conclude the death talking portion of this post, let’s see.
There are some interesting technical things done in this episode. The lighting and cinematography kept oversaturating color and off-centering the image while gradually framing the next subject. And then, the people he’s seeing. All of them characters who had already died rather recent in the timeline but people who are significant to Tyreese. Mostly people representing what he views to be personal failures. The two girls he protected from the fall of the prison and then couldn’t protect them from themselves. The kid he didn’t kill who came back later and was killed by Tyreese’s sister. The leader he followed and turned out to be the villain. And then his final failure of not following through, as he views it, following through on the final wish of someone he respects and honors. Again, from my experience people like Tyreese and me, even when we’re not ‘depressed’. Even when we’re finally getting that last break and finding any moment of genuine peace, we default to dwelling on our failures.
See what I mean? I was starting to discuss this from a technical perspective and then right back to the death talk. Anyway, aside from looking for a job again, tomorrow I’m going to possibly live stream on twitch. I have to get going with these things and I keep shitting the bed. I’m working out scheduling these things so, the plan right now is that tomorrow I’m going to post something other than one of these things.
