I had a lot going on last week.  First work stuff and then of course LA Comic Con.  I’ll get to fun stuff in a moment.  I had a little trouble the other night.  I should say now that this is going to be a hard read.  If you have trouble conversations about suicide, maybe skip this one.  I’m putting together my stuff from LA Comic Con.  Hopefully I’ll get that all posted in a timely manner.  All of us with depression figure out how to manage things to one extent or another but sometimes shit falls through the cracks and we’re caught off guard.  The other night I got to go the LA Comic Con party, for the record I’m not a ‘party person’ but it was fun and I appreciate that I got to go that for other things I’m working on.  My point is that I’ve been doing ok for a bit and conventions are one thing that I always enjoy, I’ve been having a good time lately, and I’m doing some of the things I really want to be doing.  So of course, my brain shit decides to fuck it up.  This party was held at the Bob Hope Patriotic Hall and at one point I found myself on one of the upper floors on a patio.  I spent a few moments looking out over downtown LA and then had some very prominent thoughts about jumping over the rail and down eight floors to the street.  Not so much in the way I normally do when I’m fantasizing about fighting ninja or onto the back of a Tyrannosaur but rather, very much and profound suicidal ideation.  It’s been awhile since I’ve had an experience like this, probably the last time I had to speak to my “mother” on the phone.  But that pretty well cleared up as soon as I heard she had cancer.  This was rough.  Just to be clear, I didn’t jump.  I have one thing I do to track my emotional state.  I’ve noticed that with me specifically, I can’t seem to imagine killing myself when I’m not in a full blown depressive episode.  It’s seems to be physically impossible for me to consider that when I’m not in the middle of my brain waging all out war on itself.  Conversely, when I AM in a full depressive episode, I quite literally cannot think of anything else.  “I received a package I’ve been waiting for a month…I have to walk to the mailbox now…surely I have a knife within arm’s reach.”  Is conversation I’ve had with myself many, many, many times.  It’s been very rare that I wasn’t experiencing an extreme emotional state where I’ve had spontaneous and intrusive suicidal thoughts like this and I’m still not feeling great about some things but I did manage to avoid breaking down weeping in a public place.  I guess we can call that a win.  I just wanted to mention this in case someone else needs it right now.  I didn’t expect this to be so long but I didn’t really want this to drag on the fun comic con stuff I’m going to post so, it’s best this not get shoehorned into that.  Stay strong, and if you need to talk about stuff, I can at least pretend to listen for a little while.

Ok, a lot has been happening lately and many of you have some idea how I’d react to certain things and more just think you know, chances are whatever you’re thinking I’m referring to, chances are I’m not a fan.  If you want to know what I think I about it, just ask.  Now, moving on.

     We’re just a couple weeks away from LA Comic Con now.  I keep getting more and more excited!  I can’t wait!  With my car being down again I haven’t been putting in the prep time I intended but I’m going to sit down tonight and start going through my notes and get ready to do this thing right.  From what I’m seeing so far of the organization for just the panel programming, this team definitely knows what they’re doing.  The communication from the organizers to at least me, has been thorough and consistent but more than that timely.  When our contacts say they’ll do something by a time, those things get done by that time.  I have to say, interacting and coordinating with this staff is one of the greater reasons I’m looking forward to doing more of these tings in the future.  This is going to be a fantastic show!  I haven’t looked through all the programming yet but I will and my next podcast episode that I will record in the next day or two and will release next Tuesday I’ll pick out some interesting looking items to plug and talk about a little.

     I’ve been watching Stargate lately, usually trying to get to sleep.  The other night I watched the episode of Atlantis when Beckett died.  Every, damn, time that episode gets me.  McGillion is a talented performer and did a spectacular lob with that character but there’s something special about that character, that performance, and that actor.  Something very right happened there.  And especially that last scene with Hewlett’s McKay is truly extraordinary.  Far and away, two of my most favorite performers!

     I’m short on time at the moment and now have to deal with internet issues before I can get done other things.  With that, smell ya later.  And don’t forget about LA Comic Con this month!

Alright, we’ll start with a big death.  Graham Greene died the other day.  I’ve only seen him in a few things myself but I remember him being a dry wit and a classic straight man.  Two things I’ve always respected and appreciated.  What’s really interesting is that I heard about his passing in the fifteen seconds I spent on Twitter the other day and not through an AP notification on my phone.  Do with that information what you will.

     Now then, as you may know, I’m a huge fuckin’ nerd.  One thing I’ve always enjoyed is Quantum Leap.  I watched that show all the time when I was younger.  It perhaps initiated my interest in time travel.  I mean that and Back to the Future, obviously.  I was happy to hear about the new series a few years back but I didn’t have the means to watch TV live then.  Or I was distracted, in either case, I didn’t make the effort to watch during its initial run.  I finally watched the new Quantum Leap the other day.  I really enjoyed it.  It’s effectively a sequel to the original series.  Continuing the story instead of retelling it.  I was expecting a cameo at some point, running into Sam Beckett mid-leap or something but they didn’t do it.  Ultimately I think I prefer it that way.  I think I need to watch through the original series, one show I haven’t watched beginning to end yet but I will.  There were references to the original series that I want to follow up.  Long story a little bit shorter, I really enjoy the new Quantum Leap series and am a little sad it only got two seasons.

     One more thing.  I can start fully promoting my Panel at LA Comic Con this month.  So, now that the new app for LA Comic Con will be released today I can start telling you that Podcasting for Beginners will be twelve noon on Sunday in room 402a.  Come on by, it’ll be fun!

     If anyone was concerned that I’ve run out of shit about which to bitch, good news!  My god damn car shit is starting again.  A few weeks ago I paid upfront some of the money to rebuild the engine in my Mini so, of course my Accord starts acting up driving it back and forth to San Diego and then after driving to Bakersfield I finally remember to top off the oil and then it dies on the side of the highway.  I have some ideas of what could be wrong and ideally it’ll be just one of those things.  At most just all those things.  What I’m thinking right now are all things I can fix myself, even with my Haynes Manual still sitting in a tote in storage.  If the problem is more than that, I’ll possibly have to find a shop.  And there are few things still alive that I hate more than trying to find a mechanic.  I’ve been fortunate so far to that point but I’d rather not push my luck.

     Alright, here’s some good news so I don’t hear shit from my friends like “You’re so negative.” or “You only get out of something what you put into it.” or some other thoughtlessly regurgitated pseudo-optimistic trite.  Also, don’t tell my old English teachers that I just used the word trite in a sentence.  I’m getting more and more excited for LA Comic Con next month!  The panels are scheduled, those schedules are close to being locked in, and we’ll be able to start advertising that schedule when the app gets updated for this show.  Possibly as soon as next week.  What I can say right now is that if you’re looking to start a podcast and you’re going to LA Comic Con, I’m hosting the panel Podcasting for Beginners.  Come on by and we’ll get your podcast started.  If nothing else, it should be fun watching me simultaneously half-ass both a live performance and borderline educational lecture.

     This week I went out to a couple of meet ups.  Meeting some new people who happen to be doing I’d like to be doing professionally and of course, not exchanging contact information with anyone.  If nothing else comes from this, I have a couple new places I like to hang around.  The Messhall and The High Low.  Both in Los Feliz, both on Los Feliz Blvd., and both have great cheeseburgers!  They each have really cool atmosphere and a neighborhood bar aesthetic that I’ve always been interested in growing up watching Cheers.  I’ve only seen these places on slow nights with these scheduled events but I recommend not waiting for the weekend to check out these places.  They’re absolutely worth the time!

I meant to do this for Tuesday but then I was lounging about after my work trip and then realized that I had to get ready for another work trip for this week.  I guess we’ll see what’s worthwhile in Bakersfield.  Other fun stuff.  I’ve seen a tentative schedule for the panel programming at this year’s LA Comic Con, we’re not permitted to advertise the schedule but it’s feeling far more real for me now.  I can’t wait until next month!  I do believe I am still allowed to say that the topic of my panel is Podcasting for Beginners.  I’m still preparing my remarks and looking for suggestions from anyone and/or everyone who want advice or motivation to start their own podcasts.  Reach out to me with whatever thoughts you have on the topic.  I’m wracking my brain retracing my experience podcasting to pick out tidbits I wish I’d known and done sooner.  It’s been awhile so I’m not sure if I’m recalling everything that can be useful.  I’m covering things like tech and gear, concepts and formatting, execution and motivation, and I’m fairly confident in the material I’ve got so far but I swear there’s something I’m missing.  Ultimately the question is “Everyone else has a podcast.  Why not you?” so, I guess I should touch on why people don’t have a podcast when they find themselves wanting to do one.

     Anyhow, I think it’s time to check up on Bottle Cap’s progress.  I don’t recall the exact date when we started this but it hasn’t been more than two months.  Bottle Cap has come quite a bit.  His stats at the start of this training were *0:13/00/09, that’s how I designate my pokémon to easily compare stats in the main screen.  Zero stars, Att: 13, Def: 00, HP: 09.  And now, after his training over however long his stats are *3:14/14/13.  Almost done now.  As of writing this, he just needs to be in the party winning eleven more raids.  Catch 1,467 more pokémon. And then, hatch seventeen more eggs and earn ten candies exploring with my buddy.  We have 311 days to complete these tasks.  I’m confident we’ll get this done but until it IS done, ya know.  I can’t wait to have my four star shiny charizard, I’m so excited!!!  And I’m thinking I need to do something different about getting a girlfriend.  Another conundrum for another day, I suppose.  I haven’t gotten to meet Janina Gavankar yet but I haven’t given up on that dream yet.  But now my Accord is acting up so, who knows how things are going to play out for me at this point?  Blurgh, this is exactly what I need.  And now, photos of Bottle Cap…